Two weeks ago I broke my thumb – multiple fractures of the distal phalanx (the tip of my right thumb is in 5 pieces).
The day was an emotionally stressful day, with many negative interactions, all of which involved massive projections.
In a state of emotional flux I left my Visa at the gas station. As I rushed back to get the card, I jumped out the car & with my left hand slammed my right thumb in the door, completely, totally shutting the door.
My credit card was still on the pump. I rushed back to my son & dropped him off at his Tae Kwon Do class, arranged for him to be collected from his class & took myself off to the ER, where they confirmed multiple fractures.
I sat and cried. I really let loose. All the emotional trauma of the day finally had a physical focus. As the adrenalin pumped through my system and I started to shake from the physical trauma, my tears flowed.
The Dr really pushed me to accept a script for Oxycodone. I was resistant – I have a high pain threshold & having broken a finger and a toe before I knew that ibuprofen and ice packs would work. It made me realize why there is such a problem with narcotics in NE Ohio. I was being offered high dose narcotics of the same level that I was prescribed when I had a C-section which is major abdominal surgery, requiring my abdomen and uterus to be cut open, my intestines to be re-arranged and my abdominal organs to be re-adjusted to the space created by my daughter and her placenta!
I knew I had a choice.
I could choose to see this event as a huge and upsetting thing, which required me to medicate away my pain. I could choose to ask for help and not take care of my kids and home and business. I could choose to see this as a crisis.
Instead, I chose to see my clumsiness as the ironic physical expression of my emotional pain.
I chose not to medicate my days away with narcotics because I needed the pain to guide my actions, so I could treat my thumb gently.
I chose not to ask for help, so that I could take this time to develop new neural pathways – folding toilet paper with my left hand, hooking my bra straps with my right fingers, cooking with my left hand, reaching to open the fridge door/ flipping on the light switch with my left hand!
I chose to simplify – when you’re hand-washing your dishes in the small 1920s bathroom sink (minor kitchen renovation underway) & you have a broken thumb, you’re way more mindful about how many pots and pans you use!
I chose to see this as an opportunity for growth.
Two weeks later, my thumb is no longer twice its size, it’s about 1 1/2 times normal. The nerves are tingly and the bruises are purple and yellow.
I remembered that broken bones heal and are bigger and stronger than they were before! So I decided that I was going to embrace this desire to re-program and learn in a more immediately practical way:
Two days ago I traded in my car (which was too big, too gas-guzzling, and had my former husbands name on the lease) and I acted on something I’ve been flirting with for a while, but which this broken thumb experience concretised in my mind: I bought a small, brightly colored shift stick car (my first manual transmission in almost 20 years).
And, I negotiated the deal on my own – another step on my path of growth & independence.
I am now the proud owner of a bright blue manual Jeep Renegade! Did you know that one of the definitions of Renegade is: “an individual who rejects conventional behavior”?
So here I am – rejecting conventional behavior – creating a life that I am passionate about, choosing to look for the positive and to move forward.
You have a choice. Every day. You can choose how you react to your day, to the people, to the events that you create and those that you have no control over. Reject the conventional behavior of blaming others, or pessimistically believing you have no control.
What is your renegade moment and can you choose the right path for yourself?
Copyright 2016, Tamsin Astor. Yoga Brained LLC