When the holidays descend on us, we have many aspects to manage – the travel, the gifts, family, the food…. For some of us it can feel totally overwhelming. I sat down with my friend Tammy Svenson the other day to come up with some of our top issues, so that we could share them with you all.
1) Turkey, Stuffing, Christmas Cake, Latkes & Collard Greens
To feel whole and in sync, it’s helpful for the different parts of our ourselves to be in effective communication. We have a number of different “bodies” – but I am going to focus on the mental body, the physical body and the energy/breath body. These bodies are akin to the Russian stacking dolls. If we only pay attention to one sheath, the others will suffer. The biggest issues with respect to eating are a) communication b) intentions and c) paying attention.
Communication:
If you have food allergies, religious or health reasons which means you don’t eat particular foods – tell the people who will be cooking for you, and perhaps ask them if you can prepare a dish to bring. This is much less awkward than rejecting all the food at the event and feeling stressed because Great Aunt Cleo’s basted bird was rejected by you and she feels upset, because in her eyes, food is love (more on that later).
Intentions:
I won’t have second helpings. I won’t have desert. I won’t eat the fried foods. I won’t have a drink before the meal…. I won’t I won’t I won’t…. Ugh, life’s too short to be saying I won’t all the time. Go into the meal with an I WILL! I will enjoy my food. I will enjoy the serving I have on my plate. I will try a bit of everything today and tomorrow, I will be more restrained. I will look at the food and be grateful for the journey it has taken to get to my plate – all the people who helped get it here.
Attention:
Pay attention to how you feel as you eat. We get distracted – by the conversations around us, and the ones we are having, to the football game on the TV, or we simply go into automatic pilot and finish the food on our plate, because it’s there and we might have been indoctrinated with the rule: “clean your plate.” It takes up to 20 minutes to feel full, so eat slowly.
FOOD = LOVE
Uh oh. We all know those family members for whom this is the case – they show love by making food. I know I’m guilty of this! And we feel it – we revel in it, but perhaps during the holidays, when we are spending extended periods of time with our families, we might find it hard.
So – how can you handle this?
Well, you can say yes to every cookie that is proffered in your general direction, yes to every second helping of potatoes and yes to the whipped cream on your pie. And that might work for a day or two. But maybe not for a week, if your system is used to eating healthier, smaller portions. Or you can say no.
Saying no can feel tough. So practice it, or perhaps call up your family member in advance and have a chat with them. Explain that you understand that their cooking is an expression of their love, but that you feel better when you eat less sugar/less meat/less fat (or whatever their chosen food group tends to be), so you will be a little more restrained this year, than last year. Or you can get those cookies or pies wrapped and dole them out to yourself and your family through out the year, from the freezer!
2) Family Dynamics
Think about it and plan. Who will you see? What do they do that triggers you? Planning in advance, expecting annoying events to occur can be somewhat preventative – because often the situation works out better than you anticipated and you feel good that things worked out well.
If you can change the situation, do – go for a walk, offer to go out and get fresh bread, if you can’t and you know that trying to have a conversation about politics with Great Uncle Fred always ends in disaster, say something like “let’s agree to disagree” and move on to something else. Many situations in our lives we can change – but if we can’t, we just need to practice letting go and move on. We need discernment to know when to let go. That’s one of the reasons that Meditation is so profound – it teaches us to put on the brakes and react more slowly and thoughtfully.
There are some great discussion topics for family meals or car journeys which everyone can get involved in, young and old and don’t have to revolve around religion, politics and other stressful issues.
I’ve started my kids on one of Yeah Dave’s gratitude practices, which he mentioned at a Yoga workshop I took with him 6 or 7 years ago: “What happened today that was funny, beautiful and delicious?” Reflect on these three things in your life and look for the good. As I’ve mentioned before, gratitude practices profoundly alter how you view your world and those who live with you, report that you are a nicer house-mate!
3) Gifts
If you’re unsure about gifts or you have a family member who always over-gives or under-gives and it makes you feel uncomfortable, communicate about it! Call or email those who you know will be there and have a frank discussion about setting price limits or only giving gifts to the children, or having gifts that are just consumable or experience-based. And just in case, have a few extra, non-specific gifts on hand which you can give to people who might show up with something for you!
Remember – you don’t have to be perfect, this is your holiday time too and the more you can plan and think about it, before time, the less stressed you will be and the more you can enjoy the celebrations. So, keep the connection between those sheaths of your body – breathe, move and meditate and communicate honestly with all those around you!
Copyright Tamsin Astor, Yoga Brained LLC, 2015.