Habits. The word has different connotations. The good habits – those that fit with your goals, like exercising every day. Then there are the bad habits. Reaching for the ice cream every night. Reacting to stress by shouting and drinking a glass of wine.
I find myself thinking of those people who say “I am a creature of habit, I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday.“ There is a part of me – the part that still yearns for my responsibility-free life, where I could indulge my whims and which flares up occasionally (like two weeks ago, when I found myself with my best friend here in Cleveland getting my nose pierced before school pick-up), which rebels from having to parent a child with special needs, from persuading my kids to eat broccoli – that finds “those” kind of creatures of habit BORING! I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want to be a creature of habit. I want to be wild, free and un-contained!
Yet, when I read, research and contemplate the science of habit, I know that there is logic, darn it, to being a creature of habit! We make 10s of thousands of decisions every day. When we can automatize these decisions, we free up mental space for more exciting things then, what am I going to have for breakfast, am I going to exercise? Where shall I sit to meditate? Further, long-term research shows that people who are methodical in their approach to life live longer (blue zone study).
When you have a plan, with x, following, y and z following y, things just flow with ease and you find yourself taking care of yourself automatically. I have created this for myself, for my morning routine: I get up, pee, scrape my tongue, brush my teeth, neti pot, massage with oil, meditate, shower, turn on NPR, dress etc etc – this sequence just flows for me now. That means that the day starts with a calm, sequential ease, with one action leading into another, without any stresses.
Except when I feel like being a rebel, like last night and this morning, when I knew that my kids school would be closed due to this crazy inclement weather. I sat up chatting to my husband, watching the state of the union, looking for flights to the UK, drinking red wine and eating nuts at 930pm at night (I know – what a rebel I am!)…. I did not set my alarm clock. I let my three year old snuggle with me, when she came in at 5am. Yeah – it felt good to rebel. But just for a day! Because I KNOW that I feel better, that I function better throughout the day when I stick to my habits.
There is also some interesting research on habits and groups. Creating new habits, which may include getting rid of or changing habits, which were not beneficial to you, is much easier if you do it with the support of a group. The Mayo Clinic has studied people who are on weight loss programs. Those that get support from their families, co-workers, friends stick to their goals and have better outcomes then people who try to do it alone.
Being part of group, who are behaving in the way that you are aspiring to behave, provide a behavioral standard. They help to cultivate the habits you want and will care if you mess up, will cheer you on when you succeed and will help you get beyond the information. Most of KNOW what we should and shouldn’t be doing. That’s not the issue for most of us. It’s having people around us who support and help us. You know who those people are. Remember those people who when you say you are on a diet, order pie, try and persuade you to order it too and then wave their fork of pie in front of your face. Those people are not who you want to be hanging around when you make these changes.
The medical community has started realizing that there is value to this community approach and have started creating group appointments. Patients see the doctors individually for the personal parts of their visit, but will be together for the information part of the visit. For example, I had a G-I test. The Dr talked to me and another patient together about what the test would entail, what would be expected of us, how long we would have to wait for the results. So, this lady and I chatted as we ate the food that we were given. Were tested individually, and then waited together in the waiting room, for the second part of the test. It was great having the emotional support of someone who was also going through this.
When I started studying Ayurveda – the science of life – often called Kitchen Science, or the Medicine of the people – I learned of a word – Prajnaparadha. This means a crime against wisdom. It’s doing what you know to be wrong – like staying up until midnight eating and drinking when you have to be up at 5am. You know you will feel like crap the next day, yet you keep on keeping on! I know I shouldn’t eat that second or third slice of pizza, yet I do. Argh… The Greeks also had a word for this – Akrasia – knowing you should behave in certain way, yet behaving in another! Being part of a group can help with this – our friends are more likely to call us out on our silliness!
I have worked with clients individually and I love it. I love that I can personalize my work with them, I thrive on engaging with them around their particular difficulties and successes. Yet, reading this research, I realize that I also want to work with groups because my clients will be supported in a totally different and more long-term manner by their fellow group members. Working together, people who are struggling with similar issues can share, commiserate, buoy up, and support each other.
So – I am launching my first group course. This will be a 10-week program, leading you through 9 healthy habit changes. I will limit the group to 8 people, so everyone can get enough individual attention. Each habit will be supported by an e-book, and there will be a closed Facebook group for everyone to share and support each other.
Sign up for my newsletters to find out more!
http://www.tamsinastor.com/coaching-work-with-me/
©Tamsin Astor-Jack, Yoga Brained LLC