I fractured my right thumb’s distal phalanx 3 months ago. 

The follow up x-ray showed that the bone had healed thicker & stronger than before, along the fracture lines. My thumb still hurts when I use it, has only just started getting sensation back and has pins & needles: I still have soft tissue damage.

Soft tissue does not heal stronger or better – the nerves are damaged, the tissue scars and the muscles at the base of my thumb have atrophied. Do I continue to keep it in a brace or do I start using it?

Answer: use it and work on de-sensitizing it by actively re-training the nerves to stop over-firing, like that itchy wool sweater that you eventually stop feeling.

This is the perfect metaphor for psychological trauma: I’ve had two big traumas so I am learning how I heal.

Both of these were deep breaks in my emotional/psychological body. Last week my son made it to 8-years cancer free. I have healed from that trauma, in that I don’t think about it multiple times a day & it doesn’t re-visit me every time he has a stomach ache or nausea/vomiting (how the cancer presented itself) and have learned the value of life.

I have not yet healed from my marriage ending. It has only been 26 months and there were abusive, unhappy years before that.

How will I continue to de-sensitize myself to marriage/divorce? I refuse to keep the brace on my heart. I will keep dating and trying to keep myself open to the idea of being loved again, of being wanted and wanting someone else in my life, to help me, to support me, to love my children.

My 2 Lessons:

  1. The break resulted in this: I am stronger, I rise faster, I worry less, I apologize faster, I value our internal worlds more than our external appearances. I am less scared to face the difficult conversations.
  2. The soft tissue heals more slowly and scars: these may flare up so be mindful. This damage provides an ever present reminder to be aware, to de-sensitize and it requires me to consider the possibility of re-injury with each action

“Life breaks your heart open again and again until it stays open”

Copyright Tamsin Astor www.TamsinAstor.com Yoga Brained LLC