Will that donut taste as good as I imagine it? Will my new lover be as good as I imagine him to be? Will the Rolling Stones be as amazing as I have imagined them for the last 25 years?
One of the tricks that I found myself using towards the end of my failing marriage, was to set my expectations really low – and then find myself pleasantly surprised that things hadn’t worked out as badly as I had expected! I talked to my therapist about this and she said it was a common technique – and useful for self-protection.
“Failed relationships aren’t designed to encourage us to lower our expectations, but to raise our standards.”
I still use this technique as a self-protective mechanism, talking myself through a situation in advance of it – imagining things not going quite as I might want them to go. It can help – I find myself psychologically bolstered by the experience of expecting the worst. I rehearse the event, ponder how it might not work out like I want it to work out: x or y might happen, rather than z. Then off I go.
“Manage your expectations and you’ll manage your disappointments,” Todd Lohenry.
Yet, there is a part of me that struggles with this approach to life. It seems, somehow, negative to expect things not to be great! Also – I like to really practice living right here, right now, which is negated if I spend too much time thinking about the future and how it might not work out just as I want it to work out.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last few weeks, because on Friday, I am heading to a place that I have wanted to go to for over twenty years. It’s a place that is one of the wonders of the world and is a place that many have written about as having a spiritual element that if you are open to it, can be totally awe-inspiring.
I am heading to South America, to see Machu Picchu and I can’t wait – I’m going with an open mind – no expectations. I’m going to be doing yoga, meditation, hiking with a group of people who I don’t know. This is exciting for me – I haven’t traveled alone like this since 1998, so this is my re-introduction back into the world of traveling while being responsible only for myself!
This period will involve time for self-reflection and introspection – as I spend the time with myself, without my usual life responsibilities. I will give myself the time and space to conceptualize my future a little more clearly. I will meet new people and talk to them about their lives, about my life and our experiences and how we ended up in Peru. One of the things I know to be true, following this year as a separated mother of three, is that when happiness or fun comes my way, I grab it, with all my energy and revel in it, because I know that it may not last, and you know, I’m okay with that too.
Copyright 2015, Tamsin Astor, YogaBrained LLC.