I teach people habit science. I teach people how to replace the habits that are no longer beneficial, with the new habits that they want to cultivate. I also teach people how to create a new habit. A habit that I focus on is meditation. The goal of meditation is to cultivate the understanding that thoughts and emotions are impermanent. We often get stuck – I’m a happy person, I’m an angry person and so on. The more we meditate, the more we start to understand that the thoughts and feelings come and go. Thoughts and feelings do not define us – they are the clouds that blow across the sky of the mind. If we really practice diligently we may learn that even though we have the seeds of anger, love, etc within us, other people do not give us emotions, we allow the seeds to grow or not.
For me, this is powerful because it reminds of us our own personal power in every interaction we have, and re-affirms that letting go is such a fundamental part of happiness. Letting go of the bad moments so we don’t re-live them and obsess about how the interactions went sour. Letting go of the good moments so we don’t live in unhappiness as we are trying to get back to that happy moment. I have personally received deep and long-lasting benefits from meditation: when my son was diagnosed with cancer and when my marriage failed. This is why I teach yoga and habit science to my clients.
But, I hear you say, knowing this intellectually, and actually doing this, are two different things. It’s one thing to say “you are not making me angry, I’m allowing myself to become angry,” and it’s another thing to actually do it! Believe me, I’m not there yet. So, my initial approach in conceptualizing and teaching meditation involves the practice of sitting and learning not to react to the external stimuli (phone, dryer, dog bark) or the internal dialog (I’m hungry! Why did I say that? Will she forgive me? etc) because it teaches us to put on the brakes before we react. These feelings will frequently abate if you allow yourself a moment before you react. My mum used to say “count to ten before you react,” which is a similar approach. In essence this is the first stage of meditation – the pause – the necessary first step, which allows for the continued development of the more lofty goals of letting go of the thoughts and emotions, and being less reactive to those around us.
With respect to the habit science that I teach, I also feel that meditation is fundamental to the cultivation of new habits. For example: you’re used to starting every morning with coffee, and you’re trying to quit, but your significant other continues to brew coffee every morning. One of the tools you gain as a meditator is that moment to pause, self-reflect and re-affirm that this is not something that is beneficial and will help you pause before reacting by grabbing a cup.
Speaking of cups, my first Buddhist studies teacher, who came from the Tibetan lineage, taught that we should aspire to be an empty cup when it comes to learning and be open to the ideas of others. Interestingly, in Tibetan, the word for meditation is Gom and the word for habitual is Gomshe (sp?). Thus, the word meditation implies habit. What we are trying to do when we meditate is to habituate ourselves to the notion that thoughts, feelings and so on are impermanent. Linguistically, and perhaps culturally, Tibet has framed this mental practice with a completely different lens from us Westerners, where we focus so much on personal success, individual longevity and legacy. So, my thought for today is this: are you able to start or continue to cultivate this fundamental habit? If not for you, then for the benefit of those around you?
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
More from yours truly? How to meditate videos and podcasts here & blogs here.
Tamsin Astor-Jack, PhD writes at www.YogaBrained.com/blog ©Tamsin Astor-Jack, Yoga Brained LLC