Depending who you ask, “attachment” can be something that you strive for or something that you studiously avoid.  Both require practice, yet appear at first glance to be fundamentally different concepts.

Developmental Attachment

The British psychoanalyst Bowlby coined the phrase “attachment” in his attempts to understand why infant humans (and other species) reacted in certain ways when separated from their primary caregivers.  Mary Ainsworth documented attachment types using an experimental paradigm called “the Strange Situation,” where infants were brought into a strange situation, left with a new adult and some toys to explore.  The primary caregiver returned after a few minutes.

Securely attached children were upset to be separated from their caregiver, recovered and explored the new environment and were easily soothed and able to re-connect with their caregiver on her return.  Insecurely attached children were either anxious – in which case they were uncomfortable being separated, were extremely distressed during separation and critically were not able to be soothed when the caregiver returned; or avoidant in which case they were not hugely bothered by the separation and avoided re-establishing contact when the caregiver returned.

Certain attachment styles predict certain behaviors.  For example, securely attached children are found to be better problem solvers, react less to stress, are more willing to explore independently and to try new things and form better relationship.  Children who are insecurely attached may: refuse to interact with others, avoid other people, show anger, fear and/or anxiety or exaggerate distress.

This concept has been extended to adult relationships.  The anxiously attached individual will find separation challenging, constantly worrying that they are not loved, for example.  Hazan and Shaver discovered that the emotional connection that grows between adult romantic partners is partly a function of the same attachment behavioral system that develops between a caregiver and infant.  Furthermore, adult and infant relationships share similar features, e.g. that they both share discoveries with one another and that they feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive.  They suggest that understanding your own and your partner’s attachment style can help with understanding how you relate to each other.

Attachment Parenting

The developmental concept of attachment has been taken and advocated as a parenting style, for example by Dr Sears and his wife, a Registered Nurse.  The attachment parenting style focuses on wearing your baby (in a sling), breastfeeding, responding to the baby’s cries quickly and co-sleeping.

Research seems to suggest that securely attached children fair better in the world and when attachment goes wrong, you see a variety of Attachment Disorders which are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV) – the categorization tool for psychiatric disorders. So far, the argument for attachment is convincingly strong – if we are securely attached as a child we fair better in the world in terms of our relationships and abilities such as problem solving and if we know our own attachment style and that of our romantic partner, we can understand each other better and improve our relationship.

Attachment in Buddhism

Richard Davidson, the director of the Lab of Affective Neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, notes that attachment has not permeated the western lexicon in Emotion psychology research. However, in the Buddhist texts, attachment is very much present and is considered to be a negative concept, which we are encouraged to notice, and to avoid.

When I did my first yoga teacher training we learned a shortened version of a Buddhist saying which included the line:  “May all beings dwell in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.”  This was the line that used to cause the most difficulty for my students, who considered being attached to their family, loved ones, home etc to be a good thing!  As was clear from my discussions with my yoga students, attachment is not a fleeting emotion – it is a complicated process forming the basis of love – parental, friendship and romantic.

In my limited review of some of the Buddhist texts on attachment, I have noticed three aspects of attachment.  The first is that in terms of relationships, it is viewed as a parasitic influence, rather than symbiotic.  It is not a bad thing to love people, but your happiness should not be completely attached to their happiness and you should not feel overwhelmingly responsible for their actions.  The second is the negative aspects of attachment, which are definitely worth trying to avoid and include: avarice (insatiable greed), inflated self-esteem, and the concealment of one’s own vices.  And finally, mother-child love is said to be the deepest sense of love in the Buddhist tradition: love all is if they were your mother, because they have all been your mother at some point (here’s where reincarnation comes in).

Where is the nexus in these opposing concepts of attachment?  I propose that it is in the ability to let go – to find that sense of equilibrium.   As an infant, if you develop a healthy and secure sense of attachment you are able to let go of your parent/primary caregiver and explore the novel environment.  In adult relationships, if you have a secure attachment to your lover you are able to be apart, but feel safe and comfortable.  If you attempt to adhere to the Buddhist notions of attachment, you are able to let go of your ego,  your desire to accumulate and your unhealthy connection to others.

May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness

May all beings know freedoms true joy

May all being dwell in equanimity, free from attachment & aversion

©Tamsin Astor-Jack, Yoga Brained LLC