Yesterday I went to get my foot tattoo redone. If you’ve had a tattoo you know that it takes a while and, like the salon, there is an intimacy – cultivated by the touching of bodies – which results in a comfort with sharing personal stories or observations.
As Marc got to work on my foot, one of the other artists came over and started chatting to us. They both decided that if their afternoons were free of work, that they were going to tattoo each other. “Do you think we could do it at the same time?” He turned to me – “hey, you know about neuroscience and stuff, do you think that would work?”
Not having any experience of giving someone a tattoo, but plenty of experience with receiving tattoos, I said “I suspect it’s like oral sex. If you are both doing it at the same time, it can be hard to orgasm – you focus on yourself, then you focus on your partner, and you go back and forth. Like multi-tasking, you’re just switching between the tasks.”
This lead us into a conversation about giving and receiving – can you give and receive at the same time? How does this work in your relationships? How does this work in business, in life? Is it possible to give and receive? Or do we get stuck in a giving or a receiving state? How does this impact our lives?
Let me be honest right now. I am struggling. My business is struggling. I have had over 10 calls without signing a single client – my worst statistic since I started – and I’m starting to wonder. Also, I am single after a long on and off relationship and I am trying to figure out what it is I really want in a relationship so that I can date with a clear eye of what is important to me.
I have posted about my discontent on social media, but when my sweet friends have reached out to me, I have rebuffed them, because, you know, I can do this on my own, right?
I need to accept help. I need to learn how to receive. I am an eternal giver – to my family, to my clients, to my friends. It’s my natural MO – I give. I look like I have my shit together, so I have been resistant to cracking that image of myself. It seem to everyone that I am on fire – I run my own life, I’ve published a book, I am breaking out as a coach, I am traveling and having fun! I don’t need anyone else, I’ve got this. Also, I tend to be an optimist – things will get better, right, right, right??
So, today I pledge to start accepting. Answering that call from a friend who reaches out to me. Accepting the meal that a friend offers to buy me. Receiving the affection from those that make me feel loved.
Are you stuck in giving? What are you going to do today to create a shift? Are you a receiver who wants to give more? Do you find it hard to know what to give to others? Maybe certain relationships you are only a giver, and others you are only a receiver. Take time to reflect on your relationships.