Recently I was filling out documents which required me to list emergency contacts. So, I sat back to think about it: I can put my dad’s cellphone on the list, but he lives two flights away from me, so can’t turn up at the ER or collect my kids from school if I am delayed!

So, I pondered – who’s my emergency contact? Who do I want in my life? Who do I go to in an emergency? I started texting friends. Can we be emergency contacts? Can I list you? One of my friends said “tribal security: born into one, choose the other.” I am a divorced mother of three kids whose biological family lives across the Atlantic Ocean, so this is a pertinent issue for me.

However, it does extend beyond my situation, because it directly plays into how you engage in the world: what kind of energy you put out in the world and who reacts to it and how. And then, in turn, who becomes your community and your safe space, your tribal security.

I love the line “your vibe attracts your tribe” – because it essentially points out that how you show up in the world, what you say, what you do, where you go, how you behave, sends the message out to the world about who you are, which either attracts, repels or produces no reactions in those around you.

For me, a large part of “my vibe” is being who I am, in all parts of my life. Not hiding part of me, whether it’s my nose ring and tattoos, my sense of humor and loud, passionate laugh or love of the f-word. I’ve noticed this with my business too – I am becoming more successful and signing more clients now that I am not actively suppressing parts of me that I felt were not “business-woman-appropriate.” I am authentically Tamsin.

Another part of attracting my tribe, through my vibe is allowing my empath-nature to fly free – I aim to support and nurture and be loving to those around me. But, related to this, I am learning how to erect the fences of personal protection and prioritize my self-care and not accept BS from those who do not have my best interests at heart or who consider it acceptable to bully or malign me and my approach and engagement with the world.

Empaths attract narcissists, so get to know whether you are an empath and take appropriate pre-cautions. My tribe is loving and kind, knows that when I am on their team, I will be there for them. But, also knows that I won’t accept certain ways of being treated.

My tribe includes people who want to have conversations that go beyond the surface, how’s the weather, what are you doing this weekend sort of thing. I want to know how you feel and think, what makes you happy, what turns you on, what you value, how you define love, what’s the difference between actions and words.

I want to be able to ask you about your life and for you to look me in the eye and tell me, really, truly what you feel, what you’re scared about. So, that, you can share your pleasures and pains and maybe by sharing you’ll feel better, or maybe I can help you. I want vulnerability and deep, honest connection. And, in return, I want to be able to talk to you and know that you’ll listen deeply and help me through.

Think about this, next time you engage in the world:

What’s your vibe? Is it attracting the kind of tribe you want? What do you want in your tribe?

“I hope that you do not let the world condemn you for being too loud, too expressive, too soft; that you do not let it convince you to be perfect instead of real.”

Like this? I’ve written about this before, in the context of how relationships can evolve: Friends who become Family.

Copyright Tamsin Astor, YogaBrained LLC 2016